Re: Why Do People Cheat – Why Cheating is Stupid by Tosan

Cheating, or why adults in committed relationships do it, has been one of the more closely followed topics on this website. For me, people cheat to fulfill a biological instinct. It’s as simple as that.

The default, primal, wiring of the human DNA is to have as many sexual encounters with as many people as possible. If you think about it, that last sentence isn’t as sacrilegious as it sounds. After all, the Bible is filled with admonitions to show restraint in nearly all aspects of our lives. If we weren’t wired to do otherwise, there wouldn’t be the need to urge restraint.

It is for this reason that I believe that there is no science to preventing one’s partner from cheating. People with the most outwardly and inwardly beautiful spouses cheat, so beauty is not the answer. Women with filthy rich husbands cheat, so wealth isn’t the answer either. Women who were “ladies on the street but freaks in bed” have had their husbands cheat on them and vice versa, so that isn’t the answer either. Devout believers have also cheated, so even religion hasn’t quite managed to be “THE” answer.

The truth, even for the most restrained person, is that given the right circumstances and chemistry, anything can happen between a man and a woman.

I, however, will not be giving in to my animal side anytime soon. You see, while the moral and religious restraint mechanisms are quite significant, I have an even more fearsome factor to consider – economic restraints. For me, cheating is wrong because cheating has unreasonable, unjustifiably high attendant costs. I know this because I know cheaters…

I know bahdt guys!!

I also realise that I am suggesting that I may cheat if it becomes affordable. I don’t think so, but maybe I’ll do an update in 5 years’ time, the Lord sparing us all beyond then.

Cheating requires grooming one’s target. Thus, there will be a meeting up for drinks, once or twice, leading up to the event. While your partner may be satisfied with a soft drink, you need to strut your stuff as a man, to make yourself attractive to your potential mate (like on Animal Planet or national Geographic). So you need to buy yourself, at the very least, a slightly more expensive drink. Ching, ching!  Drinks typically need to be accompanied with food. So there will be overpriced Lagos finger food or native dishes to go along with the overpriced drinks. Ching, ching!!

This happens twice or so (eight chings) and you get to the final step of the mating dance – clubbing (or just an extended soiree). More expensive drinks, with the mental exertion of making sure you’ve picked a club where you’re unlikely to run into anyone who would make the evening uncomfortable [by being a friend to your significant other].

Several chings later, clubbing ends and the problem of a “venue” now presents itself. Chances are, if you’ve been married for a while, you’re unlikely to have many unmarried friends. The one or two, if they’re out on the soiree with you, will themselves have need of their small “room and parlour” housing which the 12 or so other married guys are all pushing for. So your bachelor friend’s is not really an option, and you’re left with either your car (but you’re a “bawse” and this is the first time plus the cops could nab you, so ‘no’) or one of the low(er- end hospitality outfits in Lagos. Ching!

You don’t use the room for the 24-hour period you paid for, as you’re struggling to be back home by 5am, so the missus doesn’t think anything is amiss. You’ve therefore paid a huge premium on the room. You cannot abandon your conjugal partner without cab fare (which is usually cab fare plus you-know-you-just-slept-with-a-bawse money), which you leave ever so politely beside her purse. CHING!!

Meanwhile, you have rent, electricity bills, waste disposal bills, telephone (BB and jara phone), broadband bills, school fees, nanny/housekeeper salary, driver’s salary, unending artisan’s bills, petrol for car/gen and diesel for gen and so much more to sort out…

Bad economics!!

So you see, cheating is stupid; It makes absolutely no sense at all.

Written by Tosan. All rights reserved.