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Is pre-marital kissing a sin? Questions Christians ask.

The average christian knows that pre-marital sex is wrong and that the bible absolutely forbids adultery in a marriage relationship. The grey areas for many is the question of kissing, smooching, masturbation and other physical acts that do not traditionally fall within the definition of sexual intercourse.

The bible is the manual for christian living, thus for the purpose of this discussion, I will make references to biblical passages.

Let’s start from the beginning: What is the origin of sex?

Sex originated with the first man and the first woman. In Genesis 1:27-28, the scriptures infer that God Himself designed the act as a means of human procreation. The first recorded sexual act in the bible is found in Genesis 4:1:

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.” – KJV.

The Apostle Paul in his epistle to the Corinthians further emphasized the rightness of sex in a marriage relationship by instructing in 1 Cor 7:3-5:

3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

Sex is good, as long as it is kept within the marriage relationship. The writer of Hebrews warns:

 “4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Thus, we see that God is not at all opposed to sex when it is engaged in by a married couple. Rather, as the scripture says, God has given us all things richly to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17).

Further discussion in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 and Ephesians 5:21-33, reveals that in the sight of God, sex is more than just a physical act. The union of a man and woman in the flesh, is a physical representation of the unity and spiritual union between Christ and the Church. As Christian is required to leave the world and cleave to Christ, likewise, a woman and a man joined together by marriage, are expected to leave their parents and cleave to each other.

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

   18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Cor 6:15-20.

The scripture says that whoever sins sexually sins against his own body, because the sexual act signifies more than mere coupling, but a spiritual union. The spiritual bond that arises as a result of sexual intercourse is such that should only exist between a husband and his wife.

Now that a proper premise has been established, let’s move on to the ‘grey’ areas. What exactly is sexual intercourse?

The Oxford dictionary of English, defines sexual intercourse (noun) as:

“Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration, especially the insertion of a man’s erect penis into a woman’s vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen.”

From the above secular definition, we can perhaps understand why many single christians are somewhat confused as to where to draw the line when it comes to the physical expression of love in their relationships.

Acts such as kissing, smooching, masturbation, oral sex.. etc, do not necessarily involve penetration and ejaculation (though oral sex and masturbation might produce ejaculation). Yet, they are practices that fit into the definition of the word ‘sexual’.

The same Oxford dictionary refers to sex as an act involving sexual activity, which includes – but is not limited to – sexual intercourse. The word ‘sexual’ itself is defined as:

“…relating to the instincts, physiological processes, and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals…”

Meaning that – kissing, masturbation, and the rest, can indeed be classified as ‘sexual acts’. Masturbation falls into this category, because it involves physiological processes that serve to create the arousal of the sexual organs.

Let’s go back to the scriptures. The bible warns against sexual immorality, which includes – but not limited to – sexual intercourse. In fact, the Lord Jesus Christ takes it a step further in His teaching recorded in Matthew 5:27-28. He taught that a man who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

“27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Mt 5:27-28. (See also Job 31:1).

If merely lusting after someone to whom one is not married makes one guilty of sexual sin, how much more wrong is it – to go from looking and lusting from afar – to actual physical contact: kissing, smooching, and so on?

There are many variants of the sexual act existing in the world today, which the bible expressly condemns. Some of these include: Homosexuality, Incest, Bestiality, Pornography etc. These are often referred to in the scriptures as ‘perversions’ and ‘uncleanness’.

Several scriptures such as Leviticus 18:6, which condemns incest, Romans 1:24,26,27 which condemns homosexuality, and Matthew 15:11-20 which touches on pornography, prove that the biblical definition of what constitutes sin and sexual immorality, is wider than today’s narrow world view – limiting fornication, adultery and sexual immorality to only sexual intercourse.

Finally, God has called us to be holy and without blemish. To shine as lights in the midst of the darkness. The biblical standard forbids any performance of a sexual act outside of the marriage relationship, inferring in scriptures such as Matthew 5:27-28 – that anything that serves to arouse our sexual impulses, while we are still single or unmarried, is outside of the Divine will.

This is my submission. Your questions and comments are welcome. Thanks!

I am @tee_hidee on twitter.

40 comments on “Is pre-marital kissing a sin? Questions Christians ask.

  1. Ken Tabs
    August 5, 2012

    This the simple and correct educative piece for all to see and read. Those that interpreat the Holy bible to suit their perversed thought should take a cue from you. God bless you.

  2. ADe DOyin
    August 5, 2012

    The simple truth is, just like God warned Adam, don’t go near anything that could lead you to committing fornication or adultery.

  3. @ba55ey
    August 5, 2012

    Well put. The earlier the followers of Pastor Chris read this, the better for their spiritual direction. Would a Holy Spirit filled Christian masturbate and still be filled? How about kissing? If the bible says Holy kiss, doesn’t it mean there is one which isn’t?

    I believe apart from the Bible, we have our conscience, the tiny voice that speaks to us constantly just that respect and alliance to silly pastors won’t let us listen.

    This write-up is the words of the tiny voice put in paper just in case ours have been suppressed by the words of the pastors we have decided to worship instead of God.

    • Darius
      September 21, 2013

      Pastor Chris does not support masturbation. You should listen to the whole preaching when he talks about it instead of just the little part where he says that it isn’t a sin in itself. If you steal a piece of bread and eat it, in what act are you committing sin? In the fact that you ate bread or in the fact that the bread was stolen? There is no biblical reference that masturbation is a sin. Therefor the physical act of masturbating is not a sin in itself, the sin is that you are doing it while lusting in your mind and heart. That’s Pastor Chris’ point of view on the subject. So before you make silly references to Pastors Chris’ teachings (Who, if I may add, has turned more people to Christ and done more of Gods work that you can ever imagine, and has performed more miracles than you probably read about in the Bible, silly much?) how about you actually listen to what he has to say till the end of one if his teachings. Not just pick out the part that suits you and make a negative statement on it. Thank You and Gob Bless.

      • Betty
        April 27, 2015

        SUPPORTIVE: Way forward is always to know Christ for one’s self. You do not condemn pastor whosoever because you didn’t call him in the first place. Let God our Father be the final Judge. It is very easy for people to misunderstand the simple teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ and the highest price He paid for us. And so people just quote scriptures but leave out situations surrounding them as at Jesus’ time. When Jesus said “he without a sin should cast the first stone”, what can we make out of that, isn’t it obvious that it takes two to commit the act? If you put one to death to get rid of the abomination, it still leaves a mark with the second offender. Of what use then? SO, why are you making hell noise, is it because this one came to the open or because nobody caught you in your own time and place? Yes, this is where you talk about people who have already committed the act in their hearts.
        Do you also think that God cannot wipe the whole earth clean? Well that’s why I love my Bible because it shows me lots of evidence on all subjects. God is absolutely capable of everything He wants to do. Jesus Christ makes it okay, to say instead of the wiping thing there is a sure and the right way to live again and you must know this to quit the wrong way! It is a possibility to know the right and still choose the wrong way, that also we must look up to God for His Time. God sees the heart, understands motives and hates injustice.

  4. ike Amadi
    August 5, 2012

    No argument.

    Everything was clearly defined, explained and well divided even for a lay man to understand.

    Well done.

    Your kind are few and scarce.

    Heaven awaits you!

    You could however add that we need grace for couples or would be couples who truly love each other to steer clear of all these immoral acts.

    Perhaps you should do a follow-up on practical ways of avoiding these things that weaken us as christians.

    Grace and Peace!

  5. Charles
    August 5, 2012

    Very good,well done.

  6. Azeenarh Mohammed
    August 5, 2012

    Just one question: are you married?

    • ramblersinc
      August 6, 2012

      Not yet! Why is that an important question though?

  7. Bimbo Salami
    August 5, 2012

    Very true! Take it or leave it.

  8. baubauski
    August 5, 2012

    Right piece right time. ~bless!!!!

  9. Shecrownlitaaaa
    August 6, 2012

    @Azeenarh she is not married oo… @tee_hidee for those of us that haf gone astray nko? Nice piece dear… Clearly defined.

    • ramblersinc
      August 6, 2012

      Everyone has gone astray in one way or the other. The purpose of biblical teaching is not to condemn us, but to correct, instruct and guide us. God is not bothered about our pasts, like He is concerned about our present and our future.
      It is never too late to start living right. Many of us strayed in the past due to ignorance, weakness or circumstances. Those days are gone.
      I’ll encourage everyone of us to dust ourselves up, shake off the ashes of the past and move on with our lives. God bless!

    • Clem
      August 6, 2012

      4 those dat av gone astray, d best thg to do is re-trace ur steps back to God. Ask 4 4giveness nd d grace to do God’s will nd be determined not to get involved in dat sin again. May God help us all. Amen

  10. cecilewhite
    August 6, 2012

    i must say, you did such a lovely work here, and answered most of our questions!!

  11. Abraham Omotayo
    August 6, 2012

    This indeed is a lovely article inspired by the Spirit of God, it has clear several misconception about sexual intercourse, sex and sexual activities. My prayer is that everyone of us (including me) who have read this article would not be found wanting. May we continue to live a upright and godly life.
    @tee_hidee May God continue to inspire you to write more of this, so that the truth can set us free.

  12. Rahamon
    August 6, 2012

    More grease. A real food for thought! Have a pleasant day 🙂

  13. Dapo Daniel
    August 6, 2012

    Every Christian who has an issue with kissing does not have a walking-talking relationship with the Holy Spirit… Becuse it was not expressly stated does not means its allowed. The sctipture says he will write His laws on our heart thus making it an heart of flesh, d law is in d heart of believers, and that is way we know that kissing is giving expression to passion sexually… Imagine if d scripture os written in modern day english? Can u passionately kiss infront of men and brethren(ur congregation)?
    SELAH

  14. kumolu Ayo
    August 6, 2012

    Nice one ! May the Lord forgive us all and help us to be genuinely Repentant.

  15. Oluwatosin Bayeri
    August 6, 2012

    Abstinence all the way…..in THOUGHTS, most importantly. When we deal with what we let into our hearts and minds, then actions won’t be a problem.

    Actually, when we even get to realize that our bodies are not for our own gratification, but as honorable vessels belonging to God, we’ll be more responsible with it and won’t think twice about doing things His way.

    Well done ‘Lady Rambler’. More grace to you.

  16. ifeanyi Martins
    August 7, 2012

    The lips and the tongue have sex glands too and all form of sexual encounters start with kissing.Inasmuch as a lot of ppl quote the scripture,”greet with a brotherly kiss”.It still doesnt make it right.People interpret the scriptures to suit their lifestyles but God doesnt change.A sin is a sin and Premarital kissing is a sin.

  17. Time to expand my “no-cross” zones.

  18. Pingback: Is pre-marital kissing a sin? Questions Christians ask. « kingsiju

  19. Atole patience
    December 18, 2012

    I love and greatly appreciate this answer.So many christains are ignorant of this.They simply think they are nt commitin fornication by kissing their boy friends since it dont nt involve sexual intercourse.Thank u 4 opening their eye to the truth.

  20. Itseng Moth
    March 12, 2013

    the Bible talks also of “impurity” and surely this are things that corrupts a Christian s mind. What are the motives for kissing? What is it that we intend to achieve or satisfy by kissing? surely we want to sarisfy the desires of our flesh, which we know its also sinful. Surely ipremarital kissing doesnt fall withing sexual immorality, its bound to fall in impurity..works of the flesh, which should not be seen in a Christian.

  21. kay
    May 28, 2013

    thanks for the nice piece

  22. kay
    May 28, 2013

    i was guilty of this and i know God has forgiven me

  23. @sby107
    June 22, 2013

    i beleive this info. wazn’t dropped here to condemn those that av done d aforementioned sturvs buh also to tell them that God is merciful and just to forgive if only you open up your heart,make a decision,stand by it and yield yourselves completely 2 it…dnt feel guilty by d comments dropped above,instead pray to God 4 forgiveness and he will,for it is not by our power neither izit by our might cs one thing is to speak or rada kno d ryt thing and d oda thing is to do…b4 i leave tho,make no mistake to condemn or rada judge any Man of God here plz…nice piece of info anywayz,thanks

    • George Covington
      September 6, 2014

      Nice reply. This seems to fit with my spiritual understanding as well. A spell check wouldn’t hurt, but nice reply.

  24. Note that many cases of sore outbreak are caused by long period of sun exposure.

    Hopefully you don’t suffer from too many outbreaks so you are only asking the “how do you get rid of a cold sore” question infrequently. To prevent this kind of infection, a person must maintain a good and proper hygiene for their body.

  25. raped girls
    August 17, 2013

    Generally I do not learn article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thank you, very nice article.

  26. Micheal
    October 9, 2013

    Thank God 4 dis Tiny voice being placed on A Big n Hard Copy 4 d Children of God I believe I’m mostly Helped by dis Piece, may God Bless U & as 4 me & Dose of us alread Gone astray I pray n Knws dat our merciful God will in His Infinite mercy 4give our Ignorance n help us Keep n stick 2 His Divine will 4 our Various Lives IJN….AMEN! I’m A witness bt I Believe dat Am Also Whole Again cos Kiss is my Only Love Symbol! Thank U Jesus! Thank U my God!

  27. Ezekiel badung
    December 5, 2013

    the fear of the lord is good.

  28. Udylight
    February 1, 2014

    Wow..u rily did brke it dwn,i was avin sme agument wit a gl dah says kissing is not a sin nd ws tryin to prove her wrong by researchin nd tnk God i found dis page..tnx.

  29. George Covington
    September 6, 2014

    I like that this article is written in a factual manner. Thank you for that effort.
    “The bible is the manual for christian living”, I do believe this is true but can leave us often confused.
    I have two confusions remaining on this topic if you could please help me.
    The first one maybe more simple than the second.
    1) Kissing and hugging too.
    I have always hugged and kissed my Mother on the check as a gesture of respect and an expression of my love for her. Is this view by God as a sin? I also give other people a hug as a gesture of compassion. Is that a sin? These things I do with no ill or immoral intentions and would just like to hear some thoughts of others.
    2) “a man who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
    After reading this article, I had to read Matthew Chapter 5.
    I’ve never been sure if this was the Lord’s words or Matthew’s. No disrespect to St. Matthew by all means, but I may need clarification in that area.
    I believe as people we can often over complicate things. I know I do. I also believe that we are simply an animal species, designed by God, like any other animal species which also have the same abilities of judgement and mourning. However, without getting into a nature show, unlike all other animal species we have been blessed to receive the word of God. Most all male species are attracted to the female species and go to elaborate extents to earn the courtship of the female species. Even though hell is pretty bad, we can not all gouge our eyes out! That being said, are we all doomed by design for being attracted to the opposite gender? We generally do not begin relationships based on an attractiveness toward another’s integrity or high level of morals, it usually starts with a physical attraction or maybe in some cases a monetary status. So more simply asked, how do we change our natural design to not be physically attracted to the opposite gender? or even look? In God’s will are we allowed to hold hands to express our infatuation toward each other? Is our first kiss supposed to be at the alter? That would make it very difficult finding a wife in the first place or knowing if you even wanted to marry her.
    Please understand I’m not asking these questions to be argumentative, but that I do truly believe in God, Jesus as our lord and savior, and the Holy Bible. However, several aspects of the Bible often leave us very confused.
    I respect and welcome all thoughts of others who want to share.
    Thank you.

  30. Afolabi franca
    November 13, 2014

    This has been helpful, thanks

  31. Olamide
    December 28, 2014

    Thanks so much

  32. Harry
    January 22, 2015

    Rather than approaching these matters with the attitude, “What can I get away with without being cast into hell?” shouldn’t Christians have the attitude “How may I better please my Lord?” and “What can I do to build up my Master’s kingdom?” “Would my pastors be offended by anything I do?” “Am I contributing to the spiritual wellbeing of my Christian brethren?” “Would I be embarrassed if any of my Christian brethren found out that I do _________________? With my wife (husband)?”

  33. Hanson Miysh
    August 2, 2017

    I’m blessed. Thank you sir

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This entry was posted on August 5, 2012 by in FAITH, OPINION and tagged , , , .
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